Our lives used to revolve around such major concerns as Who will The Bachelor choose? What should be my Fantasy Football picks? Can I eat four pizzas at once and still fit into my skinny jeans? These and other critical matters have now been supplanted by that pesky overarching question: Will our nation survive another week? . . . we’ve selflessly indulged ourselves in creating a uselessly informative guide for you the reader! Fear not, we’re here to help you get through the chaos of these trying times. So buckle up for endless fun and political dysfunction.